In memory, four-hundred and seven of his closest friends have joined a Facebook group commemorating his life. There are wall postings that say things like "I'll miss ya, bud."
I've been trying to express my thoughts about this online trend without sounding incredibly insensitive. I was invited to join this Facebook group despite the fact that I have not been in contact with the deceased since first grade, and even then all we did was eat glue and crayons together. I do not mean to imply that I do not view his death as a tragedy. But a Facebook group feels like such a poor choice for respecting the deceased. In looking through the site, I did not find it difficult to locate hundreds of other pages in memory of college students who have died since joining Facebook. All the same format --- photos from proms, notes directed to the person on the 'wall', links to their Facebook profiles and to funeral home online guest books. And then, right next to the group description, a list of most popular alternate groups for the roster of members - "Vote Barack, 2008!" and "MTV Spring Break'ers" and "Hottest Girls on Facebook (invitation only!)". It just feels wrong.
So I declined the invitation to the group.
The only real-life comparison I can think of is to suggest holding a mingle with singles event in a funeral parlor (not that it probably hasn't been done before). This isn't normal because one is taught to respect the sacredness of dying, along with the process of mourning and the support given to family and close friends. And yet, Facebook is a social networking website, used primarily for frivolous reasons (myself not exempt, having 'friended' the entire cast of The Office). Am I just being close-minded, rejecting the Wave of the Future? I had someone point out to me that online memorials have been around long before Facebook, and that it is a simple way to reach as many people as possible in the wake of tragedy. But the point of most of those other facebook groups are to let your "friends" on the site know that you're funny, cute, smart, concerned for Darfur, whatever. So these memorials are, what? - an attempt to garner attention or sympathy because someone you sort of knew once upon a bad date has passed away? To me, it seems like the antithesis of paying respects...
Name: A Group in memory of Brady H.!!
Type: Student Groups - General
Description: In loving memory of Brady! We will miss him!! This group is for anyone who would like to say something about him!
Related Groups:
I hate the UNIVERSITY CENTER!
I went to high school with Bobby James
Warsaw Community High School c/o '06
The Warsaw Bubble
THE BIG FULK NASTY!!!
Pray for Andrew Klatt
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Delicately worded thoughts? I'm curious.
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